About You: Tackling the Self-Description in Your Online Profile

You’ve found your most flattering photos.  You’ve filled out your age, height, and zodiac sign.  You’ve even listed your twenty favorite bands.  But the Self-Summary section is still blank, the cursor blinking incessantly in the empty box as if to say, “C’mon, let’s get this done.”

Most online daters hate the About Me section of their profiles.  How do you sum yourself up in just a couple hundred words?  Harder still, how do you sum yourself up in just a few hundred words while making yourself desirable to prospective matches?

The first step is to relax.  You don’t have to capture the true essence of your being, you just have to spout off a few facts about yourself that might pique someone’s interest.  You also don’t have to dig up amazing accomplishments or wow the crowds with your crazy experiences.  Most singles aren’t looking for someone with amazing stats; they’re looking for someone whose personality and interests mesh with theirs.  All you have to do is give them a small sample of who you are.

Here are a few ideas to get you started.

What are your likes/dislikes?

This little maneuver has been done to death, but that’s because when you get specific, it really communicates a lot about you.  The old “I like honesty, I dislike bad attitudes” won’t help you much, so think of the details.  “I love girls who laugh at old Adam Sandler movies, and I can’t stand trendy cupcake shops.”  That statement reveals a lot about who that dude is, and—because it’s so specific—he now has all Sandler-loving girls imagining themselves nestled in the crook of the profiler’s arm and laughing it up over Billy Madison.

What are your hobbies?

Again, this is a generic approach that can be made stronger through specifics.  There are plenty of people online who play guitar . . . so maybe use up a few more words to say that you play guitar for your all-girl Aerosmith cover band.  But as always, err on the side of safety when you talk specifically about your free time.  It’s a great idea to talk about your favorite trail, but avoid details like “Every Saturday at 8 a.m., I hike Secluded Trail at Creepy Woods State Park because the park is totally empty at that time.”  An exaggeration, of course, but you get my drift.

Where are you from and why does it matter?

“Where are you from?” isn’t just for small talk.   People usually ask because where we come from shapes who we are.  When you talk about your hometown, elaborate.  How has your background shaped you?  What values of your culture do you still embrace?  For example, “I grew up in a small town in Iowa, and while it’s kind of a relief to me to be in a big city for once, I’m trying to hang on to the friendly habits I learned while living in a place where I knew all my neighbor’s names.”

What do you value most?

One of the best things about dating online is that we’re likelier to be upfront about the important things in our profile than we are when we’re chatting someone up at a bar.  There’s usually no smooth way to slip in a comment like, “I really believe in open communication.”  So take advantage of the opportunity to get on your soapbox of values for a minute and talk about those priorities in your online profile.  You’re likely to strike a chord with someone who can relate.

Where are you headed?

Most prospectives are going to be curious about your personal goals.  Whether you’re focused on your career ambition, personal development, or a bit of both, revealing your vision of a future self will reveal a lot about your priorities.  It will also help you snag the attention of someone who envisions a complementary future for herself.  Of course, the key here is to choose your topic carefully.  You may want to avoid saying things like, “In five years I hope to have a handle on this body odor issue.”

What are you looking for?

You’ve probably already answered this question to some degree in other aspects of your profile . . . what sex you’re interested in, whether you’re looking for something serious, you may have even listed an age range and a body type preference.  But this is your chance to get into the details . . . to tell the folks browsing your profile that you want someone with whom you can laugh or take road trips or talk politics.  Just be sure that you separate your actual standards from your fantasy.  You don’t want to lose a great match because you mentioned that you want to have a relationship with someone who can jam with you as you explore the hip-hop/country music hybrid you’re creating.  Also make sure you keep this portion of your profile positive.  Griping about all the losers who didn’t live up to your expectations is a guaranteed turn-off.

Share a few random facts.

I’ve found that this is weirdly affective.  Does it seem relevant that you have an irrational fear of koala bears or that you broke your leg when you fell out of a shopping cart at age four?  Nope.  But these things are interesting, they’re quirky, and they add a little more demension to your character.

Describing yourself is a daunting assignment.  So give yourself a break by looking at it from a new perspective.  It’s not about defining who you are in one paragraph.  It’s about offering a teaser of your full personality . . . a collection of facts that give other singles a taste of what you’re about.  And if you find that the profile you’ve developed isn’t working?  Well, nothing’s permanent; you can edit any time.  Relax and have fun with it.

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Romantic Notions That Can Slow Down Your Dating Life

There should always be room for romance in your life.  Romance is what makes love easy, what makes love intoxicating and thrilling.  But romance does not make love complete . . . nor should it guide all relationship decisions.

The trouble with romance is that it often becomes our focus when we seek something real.  It also inspires millions of proverbs and insights that motivate us to pursue love with chick-flick style wisdom . . . a type of wisdom that really works best on the big screen.  If you’re looking for something that lasts beyond the Happily-Ever-After kiss, beware of these myths and half-truths:

Love is a feeling.

Okay, this is half true.  When you’ve met someone you really mesh with, you know it by the way you feel . . . by that sense of connectedness and that all-important chemistry.  But lasting love is much more than a feeling.  It’s a decision—a decision to stay connected when life overwhelms you both, to commit yourselves to the work of building a stronger relationship after each set-back, and to offer one another affection and support even when your partner is old news.  The feeling of love doesn’t vanish in a long-term relationship, but it does get drowned out sometimes in the noise of real life.  That’s why a practical coke-and-pizza love is no less important than the ooey-gooey goodness of a wine-and-roses love.

There is one person in the world for all of us.

I may encounter a difference of opinion on this one, but I genuinely believe that there is no such thing as a single soul mate for each of us.  I do believe that we are each unique individuals with an inherent set of standards defining our most compatible mate.  Or to put it more simply, I believe that while you won’t mesh with everyone, you do have a good chance of finding a great match no matter where life takes you.  While it’s crazy romantic to imagine there’s one perfect soul mate for you and that fate will bring him to your doorstep, many opportunities are wasted in wait of such a miracle.  Also, many individuals dwell too long in heartbreak, believing that the one they lost was the only one for them.  Go ahead and feel this way for the first few weeks.  Just know in your head—no matter what your heart is whining about—that you will turn another corner and find someone you love just as much.  Possibly more.

Love finds you when you’re not looking for it.

We’ve all got that friend—the one who feeds us this line while swearing that she had given up on love when she ran into the man of her dreams.  Almost all of my friends have told me this story, and while I don’t doubt that they remember it that way, I can tell you for a fact at least half of them were talking dating sites or moping about loneliness only a couple weeks before they met the ones they married.  If you need a break from dating, by all means, take it!  But don’t let yourself believe that you have to stop trying in order for it to happen. Take a tip from my brother, who suddenly announced one day that he was going to find the woman he was going to marry.  He had just come off a string of horrible dates and was battling a pessimistic view of the dating world when he declared that there was no reason why he couldn’t find an amazing woman, all it took was getting out there with a positive attitude.  Within a month he met the woman who is now his wife.

Love changes you.

Another half-truth.  Love does change you.  All relationships change you.  You can’t connect with someone else without learning and evolving.  However, love will not fix you, nor will it fix your partner.  If there’s some self-improving you want to do, it’s in your best interest to work on it now, rather than seek someone else to make you whole.  While a partner is a wonderful support, there will come a time in your relationship when you realize the only person who can “fix” you is you.

All of these romantic notions hold a bit of truth.  They embrace the idea that there is something transformative and mystical about love . . . and to some degree that’s true.  I believe that romance should be embraced.  But I also believe that romance should be seen for what it is—one aspect of love that cannot sustain a relationship without the support of actions and intellect.  Enjoy your romances.  Just remember that when you hit the knitty-gritty part of your relationship, it doesn’t mean the love is gone.  It just means you’ve found a new corner of it.

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Long Distance Romance: Staying Close Across the Miles

You decided to go for it.  You and your significant other have examined your relationship and determined that, however challenging it may be, what you have is worth hanging on to, regardless of physical distance.  Congratulations!  It’s a big deal to find a relationship that means so much!

Even so, you know perfectly well that there will be challenges.  You may even be a little worried about maintaining that special connection that keeps your relationship solid when you’re face-to-face.  With a little creativity and a little time, you and your sweetheart are bound to develop some long-distance rituals of your own.  In the meantime, here are a few ideas to get you started:

The Virtual Ritual

A long-term relationship is made up of hundreds of those little rituals you develop with your partner.  Thanks to modern technology, you can still share some of those rituals regardless of distance.  Keep having lunch together through Skype.  Bring your phone along and chat through the evening walk you used to share.  If you’re in different time zones, record that show you both love so you can watch it “together” when it comes on in your sweetheart’s city.  By maintaining a few rituals, you not only continue to bond through them, you also reassure yourself and your partner that you’re still united, never mind the miles.

Give A Little Love Every Day

Writing a love letter or sending a gift every day might not be practical.  But here’s a way to deliver your most heartfelt sentiments to the one you miss every day.  For each day that you’ll be separated, write down something you love about her or a quote that makes you think of him.  Fold them up, put them in a box, and tell your partner to read one every day at the time she most needs your love and encouragement.  It’s a great way to still be there when you can’t physically be there.

Play Online

A little friendly competition is good for a relationship.  Help nurture the playful side of your relationship by challenging your partner to an online game, like chess or scrabble or whatever your style may be.

Sit Under The Stars

Unless your significant other is on the other side of the world, you can always draw comfort from the knowledge that—no matter how far away he may be—you’re still under the same moon and the same stars.  A sappy sentiment, but reassuring nonetheless.  Celebrate this little commonality by sharing a moonlit picnic over the phone.

Share The Small Things

What makes serious relationships so meaningful is that you share nearly everything.  No hears more of the details of your day than your significant other, and probably no one else is as good as she is at deciphering the cryptic texts you send about your boss during business meetings.  When distance separates you, resist the instinct to broaden your communication.  Yes, some details may have to fall by the wayside, but don’t forget to send a text about the weird duffle-bag guy in the subway or to give your full review of your new coworker’s nose-blowing ritual the next time you’re on the phone with your partner.  It’s the little details that keep you both mindful that this relationship is special.

Send Your Scent

You don’t have to spray your letters with perfume if that’s a little too clichéd for you.  But do be aware of how powerful a familiar scent can be.  When you and your sweetheart part ways, make sure she has an article of clothing or a blanket or something that would carry your scent.  It’s a wonderful, wordless way to keep the connection.  Fragrances have a way of conjuring up vivid memories and emotions in ways that nothing else can.

Nothing beats real face time, and you’d never be able to fool yourselves into believing that this time apart is no different than your moments together.  But there’s no need for all-out wallowing.  You can still nurture your love from across the miles if you keep in mind the things that make your relationship so wonderful.  Romance is all about finding creative ways to celebrate your bond.  Consider this an opportunity to expand your repertoire.

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Keeping It Cozy: Winter Date Ideas

It may be getting a little too chilly for romantic picnics in the park, but winter offers its own options for fun and cozy dates.  Whether you’re looking to add a little spice to a long-term romance or wanting to ignite a brand new flame, here are some date ideas to inspire a little wintertime bonding.

Plan a game night.

It can be just the two of you, or you can declare an evening of friendly competition with a few other couples.  Keep your guests cozy with some wine or beer and appetizers, and let the wind howl outside while you warm up with the good times inside.

Embrace the snow.

While winter provides ample opportunity to snuggle up and get close, don’t forget to have fun outside.  As adults, we too often forget to play, but playing keeps us healthy and helps us connect to one another.  So bundle up A Christmas Story style and head outside for some snowball fights, snow angels, and a few sled-rides.

Check out the city lights.

Spend an afternoon in the nearest city, reveling in the holiday spirit of decorated shops and seasonal music.  This time of year reminds us all to get closer, and sometimes all it takes to rediscover the thrill of new love is some good, old-fashioned, holiday vibes.

Grab your skates.

And while you’re downtown, you might as well hit the skating rink.  There’s no easier (or more obvious) way to flirt than stumbling into the arms of that special skater.

Schedule a ski weekend.

Or if you want to get serious about your winter sports, make a whole trip of it.  Pack up those skis and head for a resort, where you can have a little winter adventure by day and a little cozy, fireside snuggling at night.

Go caroling.

Seriously.  It’s fun.  Chances are, you can find a group within your community with a round of caroling scheduled.  Churches are especially prone to arranging a night of caroling.  And because caroling is all about spreading good old-fashioned holiday cheer, no one will be looking to judge your singing.

Volunteer.

What could bring you and your partner closer than a day spent working for a cause you both believe in?  Fortunately, the holiday season is ripe with volunteer opportunities.  Find the one the best suits you on Craigslist, in your local paper, or at VolunteerMatch.org.

Make the polar bear plunge.

If the winter blahs have you both feeling sluggish and dumpy, give yourselves the thrill of a lifetime and take an icy dip in the nearest body of water.  A little mid-winter adventure is bound to bring you closer.  Just know that you’re in good health before you go, and make sure to plan ahead so you can warm yourself up quickly and safely.

Winter can be a drag.  Between the darkness and day after day spent huddled inside, the apparent moodiness of the season can inspire moodiness in our lives and relationships.  The key is embracing the potential of the season.  December may be interfering with your preference for a beach date, but look around . . . there are many awesome winter dates to be had.

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Budget-Friendly Gift Ideas

With the holiday season comes the pressure of gift buying.  If you’re currently in a relationship or trying to win someone’s heart, you’re probably wracking your brain for the perfect gift.  And if—like most of us—you’re on a strict budget, you may also be wondering if there’s any chance you can find a gift that is both worthy of your partner and gentle on your checking account.

Allow yourself a sigh of relief.  Your mom meant what she said when you made her that macaroni birthday card in kindergarten; a little creativity does go a long way.  Here are a few ideas for meaningful gifts on a fixed budget.

Personalized Notebook or Planner.

Find a moderately-priced planner or—if you have a list-maker or journaler to buy for—an affordable notebook.  Then embellish each page with a meaningful quote or a special message from you to your partner.  You can write directly in the book, you can print your words out on colored paper and glue them in . . . whatever works for you.  Not only is this a thoughtful gift, but your partner gets little bits of your love as she uses the notebook each day for the next year.

365 Sweet Nothings

You may want to get an early start on this one . . . it takes a while.  The concept is pretty simple, though.  Find a little decorative box or jar (or decorate one you find at a craft supply store) and fill it with 365 slips of paper, each one with a message from you.  Keep them simple, like “I love your laugh” or “Remember that time we spent an entire day watching Woody Allen movies?”  To mix up your material, you may also want to include some famous quotes that make you think of your partner.  Check out sites like QuoteGarden.com and ThinkExist.com.  When you give this gift to your sweetheart, let him know there’s one message for him for each day of the year.

Collage or Shadow Box

Your relationship is a collection of a million special moments.  Chances are, you’ve collected memorabilia from your favorites.  Dig up old photographs, ticket stubs, postcards, etc, and choose the few that mean the most to you.  Then make a collage or arrange them in a shadow box as an homage to your love that your significant other can hang up and admire.  If you’re feeling truly ambitious, make a scrapbook documenting your relationship or your time together in the last year.

Thrift Store Find

Never underestimate the power of the thrift store.  It’s true, your significant other is probably not into body suites with pit stains, but if you dig a little deeper, you may find a unique piece of jewelry or the favorite childhood game he hasn’t been able to find in stores since his mom sold it at a garage sale.  Sometimes great things come in secondhand packages.

The ________ of the Month Club

Enroll your sweetheart in your own, made-up “Something” of the Month Club.  Maybe it’s the Home-Cooked Meal of the Month or the Sporting Event of the Month or the New Restaurant of the Month.  Think of something you know your partner wishes the two of  you did more, and let your gift be a promise in writing that you’ll fulfill that interest once a month.  It’s like the gift that keeps on giving.  Just be sure to follow through.  If you lose your gusto and cancel the club in March, you will never be allowed to forget it.

It may be clichéd, but in gift giving, it really is the thought that counts.  Big, fancy things are nice, but the average person is much more interested in gifts that come from the heart . . . gifts that remind us that we are known and loved by the people who mean the most to us.  Give from the heart, and your partner probably won’t think to wonder what it cost you.

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A Pep Talk For Lonely Hearts This Holiday Season

Yep, it’s that time again.  Time to settle in to the season of warmth and togetherness.  The great singles party known as Halloween has passed, and now we look forward to those quieter, more reflective holidays.  From what we can tell from year-end commercials, this is the season for cozy evenings by the fire, couples’ ice skating, and—soon enough—that New Year’s kiss.  It’s also the season that threatens bitterness in the hearts of burned-out singles all over the world.

Take heart, fellow singles, and remember one thing always:  This is not your only holiday season.

Likelier than not, you’ll be present for several more cozy holidays . . . probably a few decades’ worth.  Your fate is not sealed by the fact that you’re alone beneath the mistletoe, nor does showing up without a date to Thanksgiving mean that you are doomed to a lifetime of loneliness.  In fact, this time next year, you could very well be on the arm of someone who loves you wildly.

No, this is not your only chance to enjoy a holiday season.  But it is your only chance to enjoy this one.

When we seem surrounded by happy couples, it gets so easy to obsess over what we don’t have, but this is the season for embracing that which is already ours.  And what is special about this holiday season?  What victories can you celebrate this year?  Which friends and family members have you grown closer to since New Year’s , and how can you connect with others?  Suppose you do find love in 2011.  Then this will be your last holiday to give your full focus to friends and family.

This will be your last holiday to indulge in all of your traditions, exactly the way you want to . . . without compromise, without awkward holiday dinners at his folks’ place, without feeling overrun on December 26 for having just spent the past 48 hours trying to keep two different families happy.

This is your year to realize that all those ooey-gooey, happy holiday vibes are already within you . . . that even though someone else might help you discover joys you don’t know now, you’re still more than capable of living fully in the meantime.  This year you can announce a Christmas movie marathon that could be otherwise poo-pooed by a bah-humbugged mate.  You can put up your tackiest decorations and bake cookies at two in the morning.  You can curl up on snowy nights and reflect on your life . . . on how far you’ve come, on what you’re grateful for, on your wishes and goals for the coming year.

Love will come some day . . . but this is the only 2010 holiday season you get.  If you feel a little wallow coming on when you get home from a couples-saturated holiday party, give yourself an evening to mope.  It’s good for you.  But don’t let everyone else’s joy be the death of yours.  Relationship or not, you’ve got plenty to be happy about.

Holiday Fun, Single-Style

-Start a new tradition that’s all your own . . . maybe make a special trip or perfect a dish that you can make every year.

-Call in sick and have a cozy day in.

-Have a baking marathon.

-Have a movie marathon.

-Go holiday shopping with your friends.

-Take up an indoor hobby like knitting.

-Take up an outdoor hobby, like skiing.

-Write thank you letters to everyone who has been good to you this year.

-Make a plan to fulfill your New Year’s Resolution(s).

-Let your friends drag you to holiday parties.

-Create the ultimate holiday playlist.

-Volunteer for a holiday-themed charity.

-Visit a relative you rarely see.

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Meeting The Parents: Keeping Cool For The First Encounter

Even the most confident among us gets a little anxious about meeting a significant other’s parents for the first time.  And the more you dig your partner, the more you dread the moment you have to “prove yourself” to her parents.

If you’re about to take this next big step in your relationship, take heart.  These situations rarely live up to our worst fears, and there are ways to prepare and boost your confidence going in.  Consider these ideas:

They probably want to like you.

We have this idea that “the parents” are protective, overbearing ogres who can’t stand the idea of another human being mattering as much to their child as they do.  The fact is, a lot of parents are eager to see their kids meet someone amazing, get married, and give them cute, squirmy little grandchildren.  While it’s possible that your boyfriend’s parents are planning to hate you, the likelier scenario is that they’re hoping you’re wonderful, which means they’re already on your side.

Do your research.

Your significant other knows how daunting this meeting is for you, so don’t be afraid to ask him for a few pointers.  Find out what their pet peeves are, what qualities they value most, and how protective they tend to be of their son.  While you don’t want to pretend to be someone else when you meet them, it helps to know which characteristics you might want to accentuate and which bad habits you should probably leave at home.

Be yourself first and foremost.

As I just mentioned, it doesn’t hurt to be aware that certain habits of yours may either delight or disgust your partner’s parents.  But don’t let that knowledge throw you into a sit-com style scheme to pretend to be something you’re not.  Suppose this relationship lasts.  Do you really want to spend the rest of your life pretending to be a Harvard graduate with a budding career in nuclear physics?  That’s an exaggeration, but you get the point.  Be who you are.  Just remind who you are to . . .

Remember the manners your mama taught you.

Use your napkin.  Say please and thank you.  Keep bodily functions to yourself as much as possible.  These things seem obvious, but they can sometimes be forgotten in the rush to impress.

Honor the family culture.

I’m not just talking about ethnic culture here.  You’ve probably noticed throughout your life that each individual family has its own culture, its own values, its own way of doing things.  When you’re in your partner’s parents’ home, take note of their way of life.  If everyone is in socks, take off your shoes.  If everyone clears their own dish, do the same.  And if everyone’s slouched at the dinner table and talking with their mouths open, take the hint and back off the formality a little bit.  Again, it’s not about denying who you are; it’s about demonstrating respect for their way of life.

Take notes.

No matter how well your significant other prepped you going in, chances are you’ll pick up on a few details she missed.  So pay attention and hang on to the details you learn yourself.  If you notice that her dad brightens up every time someone mentions hunting season, you can do yourself a huge favor by remembering that the next time you see him.  And if you learn the hard way that her mother finds blond jokes offensive, consider the incident a learning opportunity, let go of the embarrassment, and remember for next time.

And if they hate you?

Huge bummer.  But sometimes, that’s the way it goes.  What matters is that you’ve got your partner—its unlikely this his parents’ opinion of you will suddenly shut down the whole relationship.  The only thing you can do is continue to treat him right and show your best side whenever you meet his folks.  With time, they’ll probably grow fond of you.  But if they don’t, oh well.

It’s all about the relationship, anyway.  By introducing you to her parents, your mate is only trying to bring you further into her life and make you a greater part of the things that matter most to her.  If you don’t fit in perfectly with every aspect of her world, it’s okay.  She can’t possibly expect you to.  What matters most is how you fit with her . . . and since she’s introducing you to the folks, I’m guessing you must fit pretty well.

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The Disappearing Act: When Your Online Match Stops Communicating

You think things are going pretty well.  You’ve exchanged several messages with someone who seems like a perfect match and you’re beginning to see real potential.  Then, for no clear reason, communication stops.  Your last message remains unanswered for days, weeks, months.  You can’t imagine what went wrong . . . and you can’t stop obsessing, either.

The disappearing act is one of the most aggravating hazards of online dating, and while it’s best to let it go and move on, it’s hard to stop fixating on the mystery.  Did you say something to offend her?  Did he meet someone better?  Was she never that into you to begin with?

The fact is, no matter what the reason, you’re probably better off without a communication flake in your life.  Quiet your racing mind with these common reasons for the disappearing act . . . and the reasons why it’s not worth all this frustration.

They lost interest.

Not the ideal reason, but hey, sometimes it happens.  And it can happen online a lot, before the bonds of a real-life encounter can form.  Look at this way—someone who abruptly drops interest in a match may be a little too flighty and fickle to be worth your time.

They weren’t that interested to begin with.

This could happen with newbies.  First-time online daters are sometimes prone to exploring all their options, including prospective matches that don’t interest them.  As they get used to the online dating world and start to realize that they have to narrow the field, they invest less time in prospects who fit in the “probably not, but you never know” category.  If this is the case in your situation, it’s too bad Newbie wasted your time.  But at least he figured out what he was really after so you could move on and pursue something more stable.

They got busy.

It happens.  If a relationship is Priority One for you right now, it might be hard to imagine.  Nevertheless, there are plenty of daters out there who dip their toes in, then suddenly tear out of the pool when career or family calls.  They’re interested in getting out there, but they’re not ready to make time for dating.  Did your disappearing match talk a lot about work or other responsibilities?  It may just be something came up and dating fell by the wayside.  In that case, it’s no one’s fault; she just wasn’t ready to settle in and commit.  You’re better off finding someone who is.

You offended them.

A lot of people will tell you when you’ve said something offensive . . . especially if they’re into you and are hoping you can make it right and restore their faith in you.  Occasionally, however, you may hit a nerve too big or offend a person too prideful and find yourself dealing with an empty inbox.  It’s too bad, but if he can’t talk it out, you’ve either got a serious clash in values on your hands or you’ve found a non-communicator.  Either way, you’re probably better off with the silence.

They found a better match.

This one was probably one of your first assumptions, since you know that, like you, your match is confronted with dozens of other profile photos the moment she logs on.  Just be careful how you play this explanation in your head.  It’s not about finding someone better, it’s about finding someone better matched . . . more compatible.  If there’s someone out there who gets her more than you do, you can probably assume the same is true on your end, too.  So keep looking.

They’re burned out.

Dating can be exhausting.  No matter how interesting new matches may be, we all get sick of the get-to-know-you game every now and then.  It’s possible that the prospect you’ve been talking to is just worn out and looking for a breather.  If that’s the case, might as well let it go and strike up a conversation with someone who’s too thrilled about you to consider a break from the scene.

Granted, no matter how “better off” you are, each of these scenarios calls for a little frustration.  If you want to seek a little closure, there’s nothing wrong with sending a follow-up email.  Stay out of the rage zone (there’s nothing like sending an angry email to a girl who’s been MIA because she’s been caring for a terminally ill relative), but do explain that you’re confused by the sudden silence and would appreciate an explanation.  Hopefully, you’ll get a fair response.  But if the silence persists, cut your losses and move on to more communicative pastures.

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The Competitive Partner’s Guide To Surviving Your Mate’s Success

Your partner is first and foremost your . . . well . . . partner.  She’s the person you know will always have your back.  She’ll celebrate with you in your victories and encourage you in your defeats.  She believes in you, brags about you, and wishes you well.

Even so, if you’re the competitive type, it can be easy to forget that your mate is playing on your team.  This is especially true if you’re going through a slump at the same time that he seems to be inundated with wild successes.  A little frustration is natural, but you may want to start looking for way to quiet that competitive streak if you’re finding that frustration is blossoming into resentment.  If your best friend is starting to look like Enemy Number One, it may be a good time to try some of these tips.

Remind yourself, one more time, that this is a partnership.

He may be basking in his current success, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t rooting for you anymore.  If your mate is having a sudden wave of victories, you may be feeling a little unimportant.  You may feel like you’re standing in his shadow, staring up at this giant of a human being who can accomplish all he puts his mind to.  You may be wondering if he still thinks you’re good enough.  Believe me, he does.  In his mind, you’re not a bug in his shadow.  You’re among the greatest reasons he was able to succeed.  You were his strength and support throughout the journey, and you’re the one person he knows believes in him.  He knows this because he believes in you, and he’s eager to see you succeed.  In victory and in defeat, you’re in this together.

Remember that your turn will come.

It’s the natural pattern of life.  Sometimes she’ll be up and you’ll be down.  Other days, the tables will turn.  You each get your chance in the spotlight.  Be patient and faithful that your time will come, and use this opportunity to share in her excitement.  She’ll remember how eagerly you cheered her on when your turn for success comes around.

Take a break.

While it’s important to celebrate with your partner, bear in mind that you can—and should—take time out for yourself.  If your mate is suddenly inundated with parties and events and performances related to his recent success, it’s okay to duck out of some of the less significant ones.  You need to nurture your own ego, too; it’s hard to do that when your social calendar is filled only with his interests in mind.

Have other hobbies.

If you and your partner have the same career, same interests, or same skill set, a disparity in your individual achievements can be especially biting.  If you’re feeling unintentionally upstaged by your mate at a skill you both share, now might be a good time to tap into the hobbies that are yours and yours alone.  That’s not to say you should stop cultivating your similar interest.  But it is a good idea to have a skill that’s all your own to remind yourself that—no matter how much you may share—you will always have some unique talents that are only yours.

Put yourself in your partner’s shoes.

As previously mentioned, the tables will one day turn.  And when they do, how would you hope for your partner to respond?  Wouldn’t you want him to embrace the partnership rather than rushing headlong into competitive mode?  Wouldn’t you love to share your victories with him, rather than spending your celebration time trying to convince him he’s not a loser just because he hasn’t accomplished what you did?  I know, I know . . . knowing the right way to behave is way different from finding it within yourself to actually behave that way.  But at least tune into that empathy and remember that your partner deserves to enjoy this moment.  Even if it doesn’t take the sting away altogether, it might help you find the strength to muster one more heartfelt smile.

There’s no easy cure for a crushed ego . . . but there is a cure for sour grapes.  It comes down to knowing yourself—knowing when it’s time to back away and give yourself some space and knowing when it’s time to suck it up, dig up that adoring smile, and tell your partner how proud you are of her.  Because if you dig down beneath all the bitterness, you’ll find that you actually, truly are.

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The High Road: A Guide For The Reluctant Apologizer

So you’ve had some time to think about it . . . to release at least some of that anger and reevaluate whatever it was that sparked your big fight. You still know she was in the wrong, but you can see where you were, too. Like it or not, you know it’s time to apologize.

Apologies are important. Sure, you may prefer to just agree to forget it and move on, but a sincere apology can do wonders for a developing relationship. When you apologize, you give your partner a clearer idea of your perspective, of how you understand her anger, and of your intentions to keep in better harmony with him in the future. You also demonstrate that you’re tough enough to acknowledge your own wrongs . . . in other words, that you’re worth hanging on to through the worst of fights.

The only question now is: how do you approach this awkward (and pride-squashing) exchange? Here are a few tips to get you on the right path.

Know what you want to apologize for specifically.

“I’m sorry I made you angry” is technically an apology, yes, but you get more out of this moment of humility if you get more specific. First of all, by telling her what exactly you think you did wrong, you make an important statement about what your greatest concerns about the argument are. You’re also demonstrating that this is a sincere apology, and you give yourself an opportunity to put your foot down if you don’t feel you should have to apologize for everything she’s mad about. (e.g. “I’m sorry I didn’t take the time to talk over our plans with you,” rather than “I’m sorry I didn’t invite you to poker night.”)

Get some perspective on apologies.

It takes a while for the flame to fizzle after a really big argument. Even though you know it’s time to move forward, you may resist the idea of an apology, out of fear that it’ll look like you’re giving up. Remember, this person is your partner, not your opponent. Although you may want to win this one, you know as well as I do that the most important issue is that the relationship wins. To do that, you have to own up to your own faults. You won’t look like the loser for doing that. Few things in life are as difficult as admitting your faults. Your partner will recognize your apology as a demonstration of strength . . . and he’ll admire you for it.

Make eye contact. Be real.

Owning your mistake isn’t something you do just through the words you say. When you make your apology, make eye contact with your significant other. Avoid the urge to over-dramatize it or play it off as nothing. If you’re not a seasoned apologizer, this may take work. You’ll get there.

No excuses.

When we’re still feeling the fire of the fight, we tend to run our apologies in with accusations or excuses, like “I’m sorry I insulted your friend, but I didn’t know she was so sensitive,” or “I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t have left you at the party if it didn’t look like you were having such a great time flirting with everyone.” In these examples, the apology is lost in a wave of accusations that are likely to inspire a new argument. Let your apology stand alone, make sure it’s been heard, then—if you feel you still need to speak in your own defense—talk about your side of the issue as a matter entirely separate from the apology. Example: “I’m sorry I left you at the party. I did it out of anger, and I should have just told you I was mad so we could’ve worked it out.” Pause for response, then ask him if he understands where you’re coming from. You’re likelier to get his empathy if he sees that he’s genuinely gotten yours.

Look Forward.

Give yourselves a little hope for the future by reflecting on what you could do differently next time, whether it be as general as, “I’ll try to be more communicative” or as specific as, “I’ll respect your sensitivity to the word ‘broad.’” Arguments aren’t just exhausting exercises in mutual aggravation. They’re also opportunities to grow as a couple.

Sometimes the anger still fizzles beyond the point of apology. That’s okay. The important thing is that you’ve made a decision to forge on together, working through whatever obstacles come your way. So even if the sight of her face is still a little unbearable today, remember that he’s the one you chose . . . and she’s worth it.

Apologies are hard to give, which means you may not always get them. But keep taking the high road—keep recognizing your faults and conjuring the courage to state them out loud. Even if your partner isn’t there yet, you’ll be paving the way for smoother make-up conversations down the road, and setting an example that he’s sure to follow in time.

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Online dating rules to live by: It's never personal

Over 100 helpful dating and relationship articles.

Welcome to the Top Dating Tips blog! Our editors post regularly on our dating trials and travails. Check us out for the latest news and trends related to relationships, dating and, our current obsession, online dating Websites.

How to survive digital rejection with your dignity intact

That headline seems ridiculous, right? I mean, what is dating if not extremely, completely, horrendously, desperately personal? How can you go about searching for the one person that makes your heart feel whole without getting at least a little bit personal?

It seems weird, but when it comes to looking for love online, you need to remember that it's not about you -- at least not for awhile. Most of us who've dipped even a toe into the tepid waters of online dating have felt at certain times that maybe we're just not made for computer-based romance. We're not photogenic enough or we just can't write; our icebreakers keep getting rejected and our winks are never returned.

If you happen to be one of the thousands who isn't having success on the dating sites, you should definitely consider tweaking your profile and having a friend take some pictures that show off your good side. But once you've done that, you need to keep in mind that your digital dry spell is probably temporary. Anyone who's tried out one of the many dating sites knows that luck tends to ebb and flow like the member pool. But most importantly, when someone flakes out on you or makes it clear that they don't share your feelings of attraction, you need to not take it personally.

The truth is, you can't possibly know why that girl isn't interested. Maybe you she hates dogs and you have a boxer. Maybe she's intimidated by your intellectual prowess and professional success. Or maybe she just met someone and wants to see where it goes. No matter what, it ultimately has very little to do with you. And while we're all tempted to decide that it's our massive forehead and clown-like ears, the more likely scenario is that she had something else going on ... or she just wasn't your type anyway.

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Social Dating

There’s no doubt that social media like Facebook, Flickr and Twitter make it easy to keep in touch with friends and family, promote your business, and follow your favorite topics. But like any other tool, social media work best when used wisely - especially when it comes to dating. Making connections and getting timely information can be useful on the dating scene. On the other hand, it’s easy to slip into TMI territory with someone you hardly know. So how can you use your social networks to boost your social life?

Control Yourself - your online self. Use search engines to see what information is available online about you. You may find that your home address, relatives’ names and other personal information are out there. Do you want every potential date to have access to that data? If not, now’s the time to tighten up your privacy on Facebook and Twitter, decide which Flickr photos you want to be private or friends-only, and think about whether Foursquare really needs to know that you’re down at the corner bar right this minute. Make your searchable self show only what you’re comfortable sharing with strangers.

Search Around - If you haven't been looking up your potential dates online, start now. Online searches and public postings can help you verify that your love interest is who she says she is or does what she says she does. They can also reveal red flags or lapses in judgment that you might not otherwise learn about until much later - if ever - in a relationship. If nothing else, you’ll find out whether your potential date has a good handle on her online image.

Think Before You Friend - A good date is a good start, but you don’t need to link in with everyone you have dinner or drinks with. Carefully considering whom you add to your networks can save time and awkwardness, if those early dates don’t pan out. When you do add a new person to your networks, read his posts, see who his friends are, and look into how he acts online. And since he’ll be doing the same with you, once you add him, consider what you post. Do you want this guy reading about your extensive list of food allergies or your cat’s stomach rash while you’re trying to kindle a romance?

Pace Yourself - You wouldn’t drop by your date’s office five times a day to say hi, so show some discretion in making virtual contact. Too much social media interplay can be annoying and make you appear needy. If you’re on the receiving end of constant virtual attention, it could be a flag for anything from over-eagerness to a personality disorder. Decide how much contact you’re comfortable with and maintain that boundary.

Keep it Real - In the early stages of dating, it’s tempting to text, tweet or message your new love interest a lot, because it’s so easy to do. But don’t mistake virtual contact for really getting to know someone. There’s much you can learn about a person in person, or even over the phone, that you can’t online. Tone of voice, facial expressions, and the eagerness or reluctance with which someone discusses a subject are all types of information that you can only gather by being there.

And that’s the whole goal of dating after all: to enjoy someone’s company in person. So use your social media wisely to help you present yourself, protect yourself, and find the right person for you. Then spend some quality time together – offline.

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The 4-legged feud

 

I've said this before and I'll say it again: You have to start being yourself by at least the second date. This is no truer than when pets come into the picture. It's all too easy to "ooh" and "ahh" and pal around with some hottie's Chihuahua to get her to like you when all you really want to do is drop-kick Fido and score a field goal. Big mistake. A friend of mine is now the proud co-owner of two Yorkies, and both sides of the couple wish the mutts would get into the cleaning cabinet and have a few drinks -- but they can't imagine parting with two members of the "family" (let alone explaining what happened to the kids).

Also, beware of "gateway dogs." You meet her when she has a loveable boxer you truly enjoy scrapin' around with. Flash forward 6 months and dozens of dates. She brings home Puddles, the adorable poodle she's sure you'll love because you get along with Buster so well. Rut row! Can't really say no now. Better get used to walking a gaggle of dogs that all weigh less than a pitcher of beer, bite your ankles, start yipping at 5 a.m., and now share your pillow.

As for me, I'm a cat guy. We grew up with them in the house, sitting on laps and so on. My lady grew up in the country and had cats as well -- she wasn't a huge fan, but she tolerated them. So one day I say, "How about a cat?", and she says "OK". I envision the little furball watching TV from my lap, napping happily by the window on a little bed, and going outside to chase birds and do its business. My lady imagines a cat living in the bushes chasing away lizards and the snakes and mice we don't have in the city, and occasionally tracking us down outside for a little head scratch. You may have now noticed slightly different takes on cat-owning-utopia. Of course, neither of us actually mentioned any of this to the other until Fluffy was ours. I would say hilarity ensued, but it hasn't really been that fun.

So, like I said, you get one date to be a pushover and try to get a second one. After that, you had better be yourself, because if you don't, you'll pay for it later. Not only that, but never assume you guys have the same take on a given subject. Because the ol' "assuming making an ass of you and me" adage is never a bigger deal than in a romantic relationship.

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6 Fool-Proof Ways to Improve Your Online Dating Profile

In love - as in life - image matters a lot. When you set up or revamp your online dating profile, it's smart to present yourself in the best (and safest) light. How, you might ask? Just follow our six easy steps.

Hey Man, Nice Shot

Smile, and look into the camera. Pick a photo that doesn't include other people, those giant bug-eye sunglasses you love, or pounds of makeup. Remember - your dates want to see you. What doesn't work, according to researchers at the much heralded OKCupid dating site: a flirty expression on either gender while looking away from the camera - presumably at someone else. And keep in mind that excessive cleavage and drunken party shots may generate a big response, but probably not the kind you're looking for.

(Don't) Lie to Me

The truth is, many people exaggerate in their profiles - typically about height, weight, and income, but also about things like age, marital status, and how recent that "recent" photo was taken. The temptation to fib is understandable but unproductive. Lies will be found out, whether at your first meeting when you show up looking 10 years older and 6 inches shorter than your online self ... or later when you're more involved with someone and the stakes are higher. Don't set yourself - or your dates - up for that kind of heartache.

Quirky vs. Creepy

Mention your passions - that's how good conversations begin. But stop for a second to consider how potential dates will interpret what you say. Loving horror and suspense films is fine. Saying you've watched Silence of the Lambs 300 times might scare some people away. Save that for later in your real-world relationship, when your partner knows from experience that you're a sane and stable person who happens to really dig Anthony Hopkins' Hannibal Lecter.

Avoid Oversharing

Online dating is basically a high-tech way of talking to strangers. And while most people are online to find partners, it's safe to assume there are always going be some who are bent on doing harm. Be careful about what you post, even if you think it doesn't give anything away. If a potential date has your last name and you mention that you own a house in a particular city, for example, he or she could get resourceful and look you up in the online tax rolls (which are public record), get your address, find out how much you paid for your home, etc. From there it's a quick click to Google to see a satellite photo of your house, yard and maybe your car. Protect yourself by giving out minimal personal details until you know someone well and have met in person more than once.

Take it Easy

If you have a gift for writing and can communicate irony, it's fine to lay on a cheesy line. For most of us, though, it's best to steer clear of anything that might seem overbearing or heavy-handed - or just not translate well out of context. It's hard to read people's intent online - we can't see your facial expressions or hear your tone of voice - so "Where have I been all your life?" might seem hilarious to you but obnoxious to someone else. Once you get to know your potential dates in real life, then you can let that silly flag fly. But first you have to meet them, so play it cool for now.

Seriously, Folks

Like cheesy lines, too much kidding around in your profile can make suitors (or suit-ees) think you consider online dating one big joke. No one likes to be made fun of, or have their time wasted, so show people you're there because you really are looking for love. If you're not sure whether your light-hearted approach is too much, ask a friend to proof your profile and offer feedback.

With the right mug shot, the right information (honestly and carefully presented), and the right attitude, you'll be ready to meet others who are interested in what you're interested in: finding someone to spend time with, both on and offline. And maybe someone to watch Silence of the Lambs with for the 301st time.

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Where do you stand on love and money?

 Over 100 helpful dating and relationship articles.

Welcome to the Top Dating Tips blog! Our editors post regularly on our dating trials and travails. Check us out for the latest news and trends related to relationships, dating and, our current obsession, online dating Websites.

What kind of money-savvy do you look for in a significant other? If you're baffled by the question, it's time to get wise. In tough economic times like these (heck, in any times at all), money and how the person you might want to eventually marry handles, thinks about and spends their greenbacks can have a massive impact on your would-be relationship (not to mention whether your future kids go to college or work at Burger King).

Most dating sites take you through the in's and out's, asking you practically everything about the kind of person you'd like to be with. What do they look like? Where do they hang out? What size shoe do they wear? You're grilled about everything except how they manage finances, who they go to for advice about monetary setbacks, and what they'd be willing to give up if they lost their only source of income.

But Perfectmatch is different. The site's Love & Money Assessment lets you evaluate your financial compatibility with your matches, addressing this crucial (but often taboo) subject before the ball gets rolling. Integrated into the Duet Total Compatibility System, these 7 questions ask about your financial habits and values to help you determine the ideal economic profile for your potential mates.

Are you searching for a saver or desperate for someone who's willing to shell out for spontaneity? Find out how you stack up financially, and save now with our Perfectmatch.com discount!

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The over/under on relationships

 

So I've got this friend. Well, OK, it's technically my girl's friend, but we still kick it. She is now in her fourth "super serious" relationship of the year. My lady keeps reporting to me that Ms. Decisive is sure this one is definitely "The One." Amazingly, three to four months later, she always seems to discover that she is bored, er, I mean, has irreconcilable differences with the latest sucker.

If you can believe it, Mr. Right the Fourth is about to move in with her. As if she needs a reason to break up with him, leave it to some errant pee on the toilet, a spit cup from a coffee mug or a few stinky farts to seal the deal. The over/under is 2 months, and I'm taking the under.

Let me tell you something. We can learn a lot more about how this is going to end from her history than we can from what comes out of her mouth. The point is, when it comes to relationships, don't expect the future to be any different than the past. If he says he's going to cut back on drinking, it probably means he's going to try a tad harder to hide it from you. If she says she's going to spend less on shoes, she's just going to cut the paper trail and pay with cash -- I wouldn't stake out Payless or another discount store to find her. If you meet a guy or gal who is in a relationship, and you two hook up, thinking that you're now "the one" is kind of like thinking this might be a cool summer in Arizona: You're wrong, and you're going to suffer for it.

You get the idea. Tragic as it may seem, we are all very unlikely to change for love or lust. Unless you guys started dating at age 5, you're probably not going to have as much pull on your partner as you'd like. So decide if you're willing to live with their flaws, or get out while you can, with your belief in love still intact.

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What to buy your sweetheart for Christmas

 Over 100 helpful dating and relationship articles.

Welcome to the Top Dating Tips blog! Our editors post regularly on our dating trials and travails. Check us out for the latest news and trends related to relationships, dating and, our current obsession, online dating Websites.

Coming up with the perfect Christmas present for your significant other can be daunting, especially when you've been dating such a short time that you're not quite familiar with the eccentricities of his or her music taste but you still want to impress with an unexpectedly thoughtful and insightful gift that will buy you a few more weeks, at least.

Flowers and chocolates, a la Valentine's Day, are very sweet, but they pretty much prove you don't know your honey at all, unless she's super into exotic buds or something. If you don't happen to be dating a horticulturist, don't go this route. Here's a quick-and-dirty list of our top picks for new couples:

A book -- Unless your lover is an English major, you probably can't go wrong with a classic that has something to do with romance. Go with "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" or "Love in Time of Cholera." It gives you the perfect chance to hint at your deeper, tortured, artistic side, and you get to write a sappy inscription. (Hint: If you haven't read the book, stay away from comparing you and your sweetie to the characters. Fiction authors are not to be trusted with your relationship.)

A soulful hits compilation -- Even if it's not his style, no one is going to balk at a sexy collection of slow-danceable love songs (at least not to your face). It gives the two of you a chance to get close, and if the cheese factor is over the top, y'all can laugh about it together and then put on something good.

Massage oil -- Ok, you might want to be careful with this one, but if you play your cards right, it’s a great gift. If you're ready to take things to the next level, it implies that it's time to get physical. If you're not, this present can come off as a little presumptuous, but you can always backtrack and offer up a neck-and-shoulder massage to smooth things over.

No matter what gift you go with, the fact that you're putting some effort into it bodes well for the future of your union. Don't be afraid to dive in and find something your new love will really like -- just take our advice and stay away from gift cards!

 

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The real-life consequences of online dating

 Over 100 helpful dating and relationship articles.

Welcome to the Top Dating Tips blog! Our editors post regularly on our dating trials and travails. Check us out for the latest news and trends related to relationships, dating and, our current obsession, online dating Websites.

Maybe they don't have this problem in places like New York and L.A., but mine is a small city by many standards, and it seems like every single person here is dabbling in online dating. On the surface, this is great -- it ostensibly ups your chances for love if there are tons of people to choose from. But you also have to keep in mind that everyone means everyone.

So far, I've personally run across several the profiles of several dudes from middle school, a guy who works at my favorite happy hour haunt, a very close friend and one of my doctors. It seems like no big deal -- and maybe it doesn't have to be. But you have to keep in mind that stumbling across what is essentially a personals ad for someone you usually see in a completely different light can be jarring. It can make things awkward when you two meet again in person. And it can bring up issues you never thought about before.

Your single boss could stumble upon your profile and find out you actually hate your job -- and him. You might hit on your son's teacher, jeopardizing your relationship with someone you need to be able to count on. You could run into someone you recently rejected while you're sauntering down the street and have to figure out whether to ignore him or say hi. Do you really want to see your ex's profile? How about your roommate's and your best friend's?

In the age of Twitter, Facebook and myriad other social networking sites, we're starting to learn that the question of who has access to your info - - and even who is knows that you use certain digital tools -- can really matter. If anything, it's yet another reason to be cautious about what we send out over the Web, and maybe even another chance to reexamine how it's affecting our real lives.

 

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8 first date ideas for outdoorsy types

 Over 100 helpful dating and relationship articles.

Welcome to the Top Dating Tips blog! Our editors post regularly on our dating trials and travails. Check us out for the latest news and trends related to relationships, dating and, our current obsession, online dating Websites.

If you're looking for something a bit more original than the typical "dinner and a movie," more power to you. As a female, I can tell you that guys get major brownie points for coming up with and planning creative dates that prove they did more than open a newspaper. If your lady loves communing with nature, here are a few ideas for your initial rendezvous that will appeal to her outdoorsy side and make sure you get a second date.

Hiking the trails - The big secret about hiking that no one tells you is that it's really just walking by another name. Find a shaded trail in your neck of the woods and invite her along for the ride. The scenery will provide a welcome distraction while you two get to know each other.Rock climbing - One of my all-time favorite dates, this one requires some planning, as the two of you will need to take an intro class if you're not skilled climbers. Still, there are plenty of gyms that offer affordable introductions, and you usually get your own instructor. Develop trust by belaying each other, then satisfy your post-climbing appetites by grabbing some food.A picnic in the park - A classic first-date outing, it's hard to go wrong with a blanket, a picnic basket, and some home-made treats. Let your thoughtfulness shine through, then seal the deal with a PB&J.Horseback riding - At the risk of generalizing, women love horses. Whether it's the "white knight" angle or just the excitement of sitting atop an animal several times your size, horseback riding lessons, or even a tour à la cheval, will up the romance factor of any outing.Kayaking - For those lucky enough to live near a body of water, why not rent a kayak (yes, just one, gentlemen ... you do the paddling) and float around? While swimming is probably a little much (she'd likely prefer not to be nearly-naked the first time the two of you hang out), the water is the perfect place to see sparks.Skydiving - If you've got a daredevil on your hands, you'll create a lifelong bond by leaping out of a plane, hand in hand. Not for the faint of heart, it's an unbelievable rush - and the thrill of touching back down on the sweet, solid earth is sure to bring you two closer together.Riding bikes - Looking for something a bit tamer? Scope out the city on two wheels. If you're serious about wooing this one, you might even consider renting a tandem bike. It's a risk, and possibly a bit on the cheesy side, but it's hard to deny the appeal of "a bicycle built for two."Camping - It might be a stretch for a first date, but if you're really jonesing for an outdoor adventure, throw a tent in the truck and whisk her away to a secluded spot. Pros: No TV, menu-perusing, or snotty waiters to distract you. Cons: bears!
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Tiger Woods is a playa'

 

We've all heard a lot about Tiger Woods' "transgressions" since the now-infamous accident and hospital visit around Thanksgiving. He recently announced his comeback to the tour, but in between, he was "rehabilitated" in a sex addiction clinic. I can't help but put my two cents in.

First off, if there is such a thing as sex addiction, Tiger and his dozen or so floozies do not define it. Wilt Chamberlain claims to have "had relations" with over 10,000 women. Now, I'm not sure how that's even physically possible, but the man did amazing things on the court, so maybe he replicated those feats in other places. If sex addiction is real, his face is the one that should be on the poster. Linking Tiger and his admittedly sad situation to sex addiction because of a handful of infractions is like claiming he's an alcoholic because he had a second beer while Wilt went for a swim in Budweiser's 100,000 gallon tank. They're not even in the same league.

In fact, the very idea of sex addiction to me is laughable. You say "sex addiction", I say "being a guy". Potato, potaaato; tomato, tomaaato. Tiger only did what his male animal instincts told him to. (Ironic that he's nicknamed after one of the sluttiest animals.) Playing the field (or the whole stadium, in his case) is what guys are programmed to do. It's just that most of us aren't professional athletes and celebrities with hundreds of millions of dollars, so we don't have to worry about ladies throwing themselves at us (at least those of us who would actually go in for that sort of thing). Somehow, millions make a man more attractive, regardless of his actual appearance.

Fortunately, I have neither the green nor the looks of a Greek god (the admitting of which somehow makes me more attractive … You women from Venus should stop by Mars sometime … It's a cool place … Things actually make sense in Man Land), so it's easy to say I've been faithful "because I'm such a great guy." Maybe that's part of it, but it's also a heck of a lot easier when you don't have supermodels falling down around you like a Nor'easter in rainy season.

The only thing Tiger is guilty of is being married. If he was going to drop his pants like they were eight sizes too big and drenched in concrete, he shouldn't have ever said his vows. It leaves his wife and kids in a terrible spot, and him in a clinic, trying to figure out how to say with a straight face: "I'm Tiger, and I'm addicted to sex."

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The Magic Of Making Up Review – Win Them Back

The Magic Of Making Up Review

Product Author: TW Jackson (T Dub)

Click Here to get The Magic Of Making Up

Overview:

T.W. Jackson’s program teaches you psychological as well as practical tips to help you win back the person you have lost from your life. He also teaches you relaxation and other techniques that you can use in all areas of your life which will make your daily life experiences more pleasant and make you a happier person. If you have lost someone you care about and want to make up, then read further.

About the Author:

The intro videos on the sales page are good to watch to get a feel about the author and his personality.

T.W. Jackson likes to be called T Dub, and stresses that he’s not a psychologist, doctor, or relationship “guru.” He tells us he was a “military brat” or in the military for most of his life. He joined the US Navy when he was 17 years old.

He states that living in many places and countries throughout his life made it necessary for him to quickly learn how to get along with different people. As he says, “I can sit down and have some sake with my friend in Tokyo…or pop open a can of suds and fish Lake Dardanelle with an Arkansas buddy of mine…makes no difference…”

He also says that he became good at understanding people and what motivates them, so he could eventually influence the behavior and actions of others. As a result, he became like the “Dear Abby” go to person in his circle of friends. Anyone with a “people problem” would come to T Dub for a solution.

About the Program:

The main tenets of the program teach you the following techniques, plus a lot more, as well as “secret” bonuses:

-He will help you get you in the right frame of mind. (panic mode won’t work)
-He will help you assess where you are in the heart and mind of your ex.
-Based on where you are now, he will give you a step-by-step proven “love map” to help you get where you want to go.
-He will teach you what you need to do to keep your love after you are back together.

Benefits of Program:

Free videos on sales page give you a sense of what the program offers and what the author is like. This helps a lot in getting comfortable with the ideas and believing that it may work.

Another benefit is that the “tips” you learn can help you in all areas of your life, not just mending your relationship.

Support:

There is a special “customers only” contact address within the manual.

Guarantee:

Site says “Order and download The Magic Of Making Up. If you are not back together with your ex within 60 days…or you are not absolutely delighted for any reason…You will receive a prompt and courteous refund.”

Bonuses:

A reader asks: “PLEASE make it clear somewhere on your page that this is NOT A SCAM and that there are 62 PAGES FOR THIS BOOK, PLUS BONUSES.” The bonuses aren’t listed, but here are a few of the bonuses you can expect:

“Were you the one that had the affair? How to use the “clean slate” technique in conjunction with one other secret technique and come a long way to forgiveness in the shortest amount of time. (Special Bonus Included)”

“When to apologize and when you shouldn’t. In the right circumstance just one good apology will land you back in their arms…other times an apology will blow up in your face and hurt your future chances. (Special Bonus Included)”

Conclusion:

T Dub has helped thousands of people mend their relationships with his “common sense” approach and persuasion techniques he teaches you. You learn exactly the right things to do and say and what to avoid.

Click Here to get The Magic Of Making Up now

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The How To Guide For Choosing The Best Online Dating Site

Picking the best online dating site for you can seem like a difficult task when you are trying to get started.  There are lots of pros and cons to weigh and several options to consider in this decision making process. This post is intended to aid in focusing on the criteria to analyze when deciding on which dating site to use.

If you’re new to online dating (or feel you failed miserably at it before so you need some guidance to have the experience you desire), then this lesson will help you start off on the right foot – choosing the type of dating site that works best for your needs.

You’re going to hear a lot of success stories as well as a lot of horror stories from people all over the web about almost every site. With so many people using these sites, there are sure to be great experiences as well as lousy ones.

The key is to remember that this is your online dating journey – not theirs. You may have a wonderful experience or a less than stellar one. Just don’t be scared off by someone else’s tale of hardship.

Every day, it seems, a brand new dating site pops up on the Internet. That’s because the demand is so overwhelming and many people belong to more than one (or two or three) sites and maximizing their chances to find the right person.

You can’t simply take a site’s word for it that they’re the one you need to use. They’re going to be self-promoting since that is what they are there for, so you need the word of someone who isn’t an employee of the site.

One of the best indicators that the site is reputable is their longevity in the business. Because online dating is such a hot topic, entrepreneurs launch new domains on the fly regularly – but you want someone committed to your dating success – someone who will help grow the site so that you have a large database of prospects to choose from.

You may want to go ahead and get on some sites that have a high amount of traffic already flowing to them.

But on the other hand don’t discount new sites completely – because you can get in on the ground floor and become one of the premiere members when you join a freshly built site. Make it one of your possibilities, but ensure larger success with high traffic dating sites, too.

Another reason new sites can be good is that some of the older sites have thousands of unused, stale profiles sitting in them. So while the member count may show a high number, the active members looking for a connection could be significantly lower.

The reason I say it’s wise to use the free option initially is that I want you to try out a few different sites. I don’t want you locked into just one where you’re not quite happy with the results.

What should you look for in the ones you choose?

The angle of the site – some promote random sexual hook-ups, some tout Christian members, others are for seniors only, or for the gay community. You want to pick sites that cater to YOUR needs.Is the navigation menu overly complicated? You may not want it too simplistic, but if there’s an in home visit required, you’ll know they’re a little over-zealous in what they should be asking from you. What is their approval process? Some sites let anyone in, and some have parameters that must be met before you get the key to a membership.Is the pricing right? Some sites are very affordable for any budget while others cater to a high-end clientele.

Don’t rush it in the next five minutes. Allow yourself some time to glance around and navigate each site – do you like what you see? No site will be 100% perfect for everyone, but you’ll be able to recognize which ones are a no-go right off the bat.

When it comes to pricing, free is within your budget, but it might also be full of people who aren’t serious or who aren’t willing to pay for the very best. Just a small monthly payment signals that person is seriously seeking a connection – and willing to pay for the opportunity!

Most sites, even when they give you a free user option, will let you see a sample profile so that you know what you’ll be able to find out about people when browsing the profiles database.

If it’s bare-boned (like age, name, location and picture only) – then you know it won’t be enough to offer you the deep kind of connection you’re searching for.

You need to put the anxiety about creating your profile to rest. Here’s the good news – it can always be tweaked for improvement!

You’re going to be nervous initially. Maybe wonder who would like what you have to say!? But the fact is, there’s someone for everyone – and you just need to be you in your profile without coming across as boring.

Since there’s no face-to-face interaction, it’s important to review some of the other profiles to see what makes you interested in them.

Did they have a witty subject line for their profile?

Were they open and honest and amazing with how they painted a picture of their life?

Did the humor come across so loud and clear that you wished you could go have a cup of coffee with this person right then and there?

You want to emulate the types of profiles that make you tick – without creating a false identity that doesn’t truly represent you.

Remember in Lesson 1, I asked you, as one of your tasks, to jot down what types of communication you wanted to work with. Does this site have what you were looking for?

If there’s a chat feature, that’s a good sign – because you can talk in real time without having to meet in person and meet before you know if you’re ready for that connection yet.

This is a perfect setting for people who work odd or long hours. It’s also beneficial for single parents who want to get to know someone pretty well before having an in-person meeting. And if you’re in a rural area, it works well because you don’t have to travel long distances to meet everyone in person.

There are some sites that are great for beginners to use with online dating. The male to female ratio is nicely balanced, and you have a good chance of meeting someone right for you.

All you need to do for your tasks today are go visit these sites and enter your:

That’s it! You’re not going to hand over a credit card number for any later fees. You won’t have to give out sensitive personal information. This just lets you cross the threshold and enter into the site to have a quick look around.

The ones who usually end up very pleased with their results are the ones who took the time to simultaneously sign up at a few online dating sites. Don’t use one, wait for it to flop, and then move on to another one.

You’ll quickly realize that each site has a different diverse population, and you want a broad selection to choose from.

Here are some of the the sites that you can sign up for to test things out– some cater to a specific crowd while others are very broad based. You don’t have to test them all, but take a look at some and try the advice given above.

Just keep in mind – it’s a good idea to have many options at once, so visit the sites listed above and then choose all that are relevant to you and give them a test drive!

Tomorrow, we’re going to be digging into the profile set-up a little more. And we’ll cover how you use that awesome profile to meet others on the site!

Online Dating Tutorial Lesson 3

This next lesson will discuss a profile set-up tutorial.

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The Online Game Review – An Attraction Strategy For Men Looking to Find Women Online

The Online Game Internet Attraction Strategy Review

Product Author: Derek Lamont

Click Here to Get The Online Game Internet Attraction Strategy

Overview:

This program is different from some of the others reviewed here. It is about meeting the women you want to and showing you the ways of online seduction, via Facebook, Twitter, or any other method with which you are comfortable online.

Mr. Lamont claims that he has distilled what he learned from other relationship gurus and made a system that he says will psychologically draw women to you, that will work, and is not just another lame strategy.

About the Author:

According to the author, “A few of the top and elite online attraction gurus and I have put the finishing touches on a new and revolutionary program that teaches any guy how to attract and meet beautiful, quality women on dating sites, social-networking sites, instant messengers, on the phone, and more!” It looks like this isn’t just a one-author program, it’s a compilation of several of the people in the field.

About the Program:

Here are some of the things you’ll learn:

* The definitive system for attracting beautiful women

* The secret tip that makes it easier to attract a woman online than in person

* 10 vital mistakes most men make that ruin their chances when they talk to a woman online

* 5 psychological strategies you can use in your messages that will immediately attract a woman to you

* A fool-proof way to stop rejection, both online and in person

* How to create a profile picture that will be much more effective than what most men use

* How to write mysterious and attractive profiles that will keep women guessing and wanting to know more

* How to make a woman laugh

* How to pass any “test” a woman may throw at you

* How to be yourself without appearing weak

* 7 key techniques to attract a women with instant messaging

* How to create sexual tension before you even meet in person

* And much, much more. . .

Benefits of Program:

Free 8-part online eCourse entitled “The Online Game 8-Part e-course” by Derek Lamont. This will help you get an idea of the approach of Derek Lamont and his writing style.

He also has a plan where you can buy the program for $1 now and be billed for the balance in 21 days.

Support:

There is a contact link on the sales page if you have any questions, as well as a contact link in the footer of the sales page.

Guarantee:

From the site, “Your Purchase Is Fully Backed By My 100%, 8-Week, Iron-Clad, Money Back Guarantee!”

Bonuses:

#1 “101 Romantic Ideas” by Michael Webb

#2 “Three Keys to Seducing Any Woman” by Mike Pilinski

#3 “The Secret to Getting Her Back” by John Alexander

#4 “7 Simple Steps to a Better Body” by Sean Nalewanyj

#5 Many other free gifts and free online updates for life

Conclusion:

Even though a lot of the information Derek Lamont presents is aggregated from other relationship gurus, he does have a different take on female seduction using the internet. This, in itself, would make this program a cut above other programs available.

Click Here to Get The Online Game Internet Attraction Strategy now

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How To Search Your Dating Site For The Best Matches

Ok grasshopper, you have completed much of the training and it is time for more advanced lessons. At this point if you are following along in sequence you have found some good online dating sites, signed up for some of these sites, and made a profile that you can be proud of having out there to represent you to the world. Now it is time to get out among the community on your chosen dating site and start looking for possible matches. Don’t let any of your fear or shyness hold you back at this point. You have come a long way and are taking the next steps which can get you to your goal.

The worst thing you can do is set up a profile and then sit back and wait for the magic to happen. There is a searchable database of online profiles with people looking for a match that’s readily available to you, so let’s go make the most out of it.

Everyone is shy to a certain degree. You may have the perfect match waiting in the wings, but he or she just isn’t going to always make the first move. Do you really want to miss out on a soul mate because you weren’t proactive enough to play cupid for yourself?

You want communication to work both ways – you want to reach out to people and also have some members trying to connect to you. Some people may have simply given up hope, so they stopped searching and just keep an active profile in case someone like you came along to find them. So don’t disappoint them!

Plus, you want to get out of your comfort zone and make some positive changes happen. Chances are, you may have become too content sitting at home alone and the interaction between other singles can be a welcome addition to your social life once it gets going.

You might create your profile and expect a flood of responses that very same night, but give people time to find you. Some people check in to the site only periodically. But, it is also possible that you could find someone inquiring about you mere minutes into the process. But don’t get disappointed or down if there isn’t an instantaneous response.

Some online dating sites actually boost member exposure based on who logged into the site most recently. So continuing to sign in and freshen up your profile will work in your favor and gain you additional coverage.

Let’s talk a little bit about making a good profile pic since many of you will freeze in terror at the very thought of it. And that is not an abnormal response, as many people get stuck on the issue of the profile picture.

Here are some good tips to help you make an awesome profile image to represent you to prospective suitors:

Don’t use shoddy equipment. If your lens on your camera is smudged, wipe it off so that your picture is crystal clear. Don’t use an old cell phone to shoot it with if your digital camera is much better at presenting a sharper image.See which is your “best side” and go with that – you want to feel confident about your profile picture. Take it from an above the head angle, even, right, left, front, etc. Use natural lighting. Don’t make the picture too dark and creepy – and avoid having a bright light shining right on your face for the shoot. Watch what’s in the background of your photo. Are you holding a 20-ounce beer in your hand? Is that the image you want to project? Don’t dress like it’s the prom. There’s no need for a tuxedo or evening dress. You should dress like you do normally, every day – except maybe if you work from home in your pajamas. Smile! Unless you want to project a very serious side of yourself, smile for the camera. It makes your profile more welcoming to others who might be interesting in you. A serious picture can seem intimidating.Make sure they can actually see your face. You wouldn’t believe how many people use a profile of them with a scuba diving mask on or post a pic with something like their toes showing. People want to connect a face to the personality.

Every single day someone just like you is signing up as a newcomer to an online dating site and some sites have hundreds of sign ups each day. There are many possible matches out there just waiting to be found.

You want to log in regularly and search the database to see what types of matches there are for you. Some sites will automatically email those to you, but some have you do it manually.

If you’re a woman from a generation where men did all the asking, keep in mind that online dating is a two-way street. You should be active in contacting your possible romantic interests – don’t sit back and wait for them to introduce themselves to you. In the world of online dating this is ok and acceptable behavior so initiate contacts with interesting people.

Some people find someone they’re attracted to. They see that they’re online and immediately start flirting with the person in a way that scares them off within minutes.

Most people want to get to know you a little bit before engaging in overt flirty conversation or sexual discussions. Ease into it if that’s what you’re there for – and make it clear on your profile, too – so that some unsuspecting innocent member doesn’t stumble onto you and get shocked with something they weren’t prepared for.

Even if you didn’t list “friendships” as one of your desires on your profile, it’s okay to reach out and befriend someone who you feel may not make a good romantic partner, but could be a great friend.

In fact, you might be somewhat similar, but not enough for a perfect match – and you could help each other find the people who would be a good match for each other.

It’s a little different when you have a friend from an online dating site helping you find potential matches because they know what you’re going through. Unlike well-meaning family members who are clueless about setting you up with someone they would like to see you with. Having an online buddy like this can be helpful to the online dating experience.

If you’re anxious to start connecting with people, you’ll be happy to know that most online dating sites have special notification systems that indicate who’s logged into the site at that time.

Most also have a “hide me” or “invisible” type of feature that lets you browse through the site unnoticed. But making yourself available on the site can be a wonderful thing, if you’re prepared for it.

You might get invited to a chat. Or someone might send you an email or message right there to see if you react positively. Remember, they’re often nervous too – and they don’t want to send a message and wait days or weeks to get a reply.

I don’t care if you think you’ve found “the one” on your first day on the site. Make sure you don’t limit yourself and find more than one or two acceptable matches for your profile.

You want to put your membership (even if it is free initially) to good use, maximizing it to the best of your abilities. Continue using your online dating site until a perfect match is made and the two of you decide to become exclusive in your relationship and stop dating other people.

Chat is one of the best features your dating site can offer. If you’re in the mood to interact with others, make sure your profile states that you’re currently available so that people can invite you to hang out online.

This is great for those of you who are shy or intimidated about getting to know people in this setting because it doesn’t have to be one-on-one. It can be a group setting.

Or, if it is one-on-one, it will be easy for you to leave the conversation without it being embarrassing like it would be if you had to excuse yourself from an in-person date.

Go and seek out someone for friendship on one of the sites you have selected first.

Contact them and just let them know it’s not a romantic connection, but you’re interested in getting to know more members.

Next, browse the profiles and find at least 3 possible members who you would like to make a connection with to see if there’s anything worth pursuing.

Online Dating Tutorial Lesson Five

The next post is about taking an online match and turning it into an offline date!

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Guide To The Best Online Dating Profile Ever

Unless you are reading ahead and taking this all in at once, you have done some initial fact finding and checked out a sampling of online dating sites available for you to use. Hopefully you have liked what you have seen so far and are really enjoying this five part series on finding the best online dating sites and making a success of your online dating journey.

So here we are continuing on our path and working on making the most of your online dating journey. It is time to discuss the profile set up in more detail. It’s so important to maximize your profile space to get the best impression possible out there.

No two sites are exactly the same, so it won’t be an exact step-by-step lesson but rather an analysis of what you can do to make your profile really sizzle in comparison to other men and women in the membership.

Your profile is going to convey to others what you’re hoping to get out of the online dating process, which is why early on, I had you write down what you wanted from this.

It’s very easy to get to a site, sign up and have no idea what to fill in on the options or parts where you have the ability to free-style your comments. You might even feel like quitting and signing out if you’re not prepared.

You most definitely do want to expand on some things that are important to you in your profile. For example, let’s say that you love outdoor activities. Don’t just check that option. Instead, expand on it and list what that means to you in more detail.

Tell the other members if you’re the type who just likes to feed the ducks at your local pond or if you prefer to strap on some rock climbing gear and reach the highest peak in your community. This let’s you get targeted interest and can increase your odds of success.

Things like religion can be expanded on as well. Don’t just say you’re a Christian if four out of seven days of your week are spent on church related activities. You’ll want to find someone equally enthusiastic, so express your involvement in a detailed manner. Once again, the key here is to show your interests on the things you are passionate about.

It cannot be stressed enough that the last thing you want to do is lie in your profile.No good can come of this in the long run.

So many people feel inadequate when they read about the real description they made of themselves, but someone will love you for who you are. There’s no need to boost your profile with false information.

If you lie, one of two things might happen:

1. You meet the wrong kind of people because the system is matching you with other members based on things that aren’t true.

2. You’ll meet Mr. or Mrs. Right – but then have to start your relationship off with an, “I’m sorry for lying” speech – that’s no fun and may drive the perfect person away from a bad first impression.

And it’s not just the little things people lie about out of fear, either. Some people say they want kids – even when they know they don’t – because they feel they won’t be able to find a date if they tell the truth. Just be honest here.

The sad thing is, you’ll be filtering out the right kind of people when you tell a tall tale like this on an online dating site. The people who will like the real you won’t find you if you advertise false information about yourself.

And don’t get all freaked out about your profile picture. Yes, make sure you put your best foot forward – but don’t beat yourself up about how you look.

Even if looks aren’t important to someone, they’ll still want to put a face to the name and know who it is they’re dealing with on the dating site.

When it comes to pictures, the biggest lies are those who put completely fake photos up – or those who use pictures from a time long ago in their past – like a decade ago when they were more youthful looking.

Don’t wait until you lose 50 pounds to take a new profile picture. You can always update it later. Just post it the way you really look today – besides, you want someone to love you for who you are not who you were or who you plan to be.

You don’t have to be some award-winning author to develop a great profile that attracts the right kind of people.

Initially, it might seem like a tedious process to get all of this stuff filled out – but once the profile is put together, you’ll be able to enjoy the interaction process and getting to know others.

The bad thing is, the profile set up is the first thing you do when you join an online dating site – and it comes at a time when you’re nervous and prone to make mistakes.

So take a deep breath and slow down when you tackle this step. There’s no big rush (even if It feels like you want to hurry up and find a romantic partner).

Before, I had you go through and look through other members’ profiles. But what I do not want you to do is cut and paste someone else’s profile information into yours – even if the information is relevant to you, too.

Consider it legally their property – not yours for the taking. It is okay to emulate someone else’s style if it’s similar to you and you just feel like you need some guidance, but let your words and your writing be your own expression of yourself.

Firstly, you’ll probably be prompted to choose a screen name. This is for people who don’t want their real name used on the online dating site – it lets you choose when to reveal your name to potential suitors.

Be careful when you choose your username. Choosing “hotsexkitten” as your screen name will evoke a response from men who are only out for one thing. Likewise, if you’re searching profiles – look to see what someone’s using for their screen name because it says lot about how they view themselves.

Any time you’re allowed to expand on your profile choices, try to do it. If it asks if you have any pets, for example, don’t just check “dog.” Explain it further if you rescue greyhounds and foster animals until they’re adopted out.

The more you write and expand on your profile answers, the more your profile visitors will stay to see what you’re all about. They won’t just click out to find someone else.

When you expand, it’s important that you don’t come across as egotistical or as someone with an extremely low self esteem. Both can be viewed negatively.

Try to showcase your personality, but read what you just wrote to see if you look like you’re showering yourself with praise or looking pathetic and unlovable.

Writing should be done in a natural and conversational tone. Don’t try to write an essay like you’re submitting it to a college professor. It’s okay to use slang, be goofy with emoticons and talk in a non-traditional manner with an online dating site. Let your real personality out to be found.

Both sexes want the other to find them attractive. Women are often primarily concerned about weight and age, while men want to project muscles and vitality. But your vanity could prevent the right kind of person from finding you.

Men, keep in mind that if you put extremes into your “wants” list – like under 25 years old, no more than 115 pounds, women will likely not contact you even if they fall slightly out of range.

And it may be tempting to use a profile pic of your six pack abs, but if you’re seeking a woman to potentially be your wife, she may be more interested in the whole you rather than one physical aspect of your body.

Women have a tendency to dwell on the past in their profiles. If you read some of them, you’ll see that they say more about what they don’t want than they do about what they do desire.

They’re harboring anger or hurt over past failed relationships, and they want to make sure that they don’t run into Mr. Wrong anytime soon on the dating site.

Unfortunately, all this does is make men view you as a negative person and they’ll pass over your profile because it reads so gloomily.

Whether you’re a man or woman, make sure you work on tidying up your profile content a bit before it goes live. Check spelling at the very least. It doesn’t have to have perfect grammar, but you also don’t want to appear uneducated or to not care.

Once you create your profile, make a note of where it resides so that you can freshen it up if and when you have something change. Some people forget where they posted it and never return to check and see if it’s still up to date.

Now that you’ve read about what should (and shouldn’t) go into your profile, I want you to visit the sites you signed up with and flesh out your profile a bit.

It should include a recent picture of you, along with expanded commentary on as many choices you’re given as possible.

In the next lesson it will be time to venture out of the setup phase on your chosen dating sites and start mingling with others who share some common interests.

Online Dating Site Tutorial Lesson 4

Now go make yourself proud with an awesome and inspiring online dating profile.

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