Ok grasshopper, you have completed much of the training and it is time for more advanced lessons. At this point if you are following along in sequence you have found some good online dating sites, signed up for some of these sites, and made a profile that you can be proud of having out there to represent you to the world. Now it is time to get out among the community on your chosen dating site and start looking for possible matches. Don’t let any of your fear or shyness hold you back at this point. You have come a long way and are taking the next steps which can get you to your goal.
The worst thing you can do is set up a profile and then sit back and wait for the magic to happen. There is a searchable database of online profiles with people looking for a match that’s readily available to you, so let’s go make the most out of it.
Everyone is shy to a certain degree. You may have the perfect match waiting in the wings, but he or she just isn’t going to always make the first move. Do you really want to miss out on a soul mate because you weren’t proactive enough to play cupid for yourself?
You want communication to work both ways – you want to reach out to people and also have some members trying to connect to you. Some people may have simply given up hope, so they stopped searching and just keep an active profile in case someone like you came along to find them. So don’t disappoint them!
Plus, you want to get out of your comfort zone and make some positive changes happen. Chances are, you may have become too content sitting at home alone and the interaction between other singles can be a welcome addition to your social life once it gets going.
You might create your profile and expect a flood of responses that very same night, but give people time to find you. Some people check in to the site only periodically. But, it is also possible that you could find someone inquiring about you mere minutes into the process. But don’t get disappointed or down if there isn’t an instantaneous response.
Some online dating sites actually boost member exposure based on who logged into the site most recently. So continuing to sign in and freshen up your profile will work in your favor and gain you additional coverage.
Let’s talk a little bit about making a good profile pic since many of you will freeze in terror at the very thought of it. And that is not an abnormal response, as many people get stuck on the issue of the profile picture.
Here are some good tips to help you make an awesome profile image to represent you to prospective suitors:
Don’t use shoddy equipment. If your lens on your camera is smudged, wipe it off so that your picture is crystal clear. Don’t use an old cell phone to shoot it with if your digital camera is much better at presenting a sharper image.See which is your “best side” and go with that – you want to feel confident about your profile picture. Take it from an above the head angle, even, right, left, front, etc. Use natural lighting. Don’t make the picture too dark and creepy – and avoid having a bright light shining right on your face for the shoot. Watch what’s in the background of your photo. Are you holding a 20-ounce beer in your hand? Is that the image you want to project? Don’t dress like it’s the prom. There’s no need for a tuxedo or evening dress. You should dress like you do normally, every day – except maybe if you work from home in your pajamas. Smile! Unless you want to project a very serious side of yourself, smile for the camera. It makes your profile more welcoming to others who might be interesting in you. A serious picture can seem intimidating.Make sure they can actually see your face. You wouldn’t believe how many people use a profile of them with a scuba diving mask on or post a pic with something like their toes showing. People want to connect a face to the personality.Every single day someone just like you is signing up as a newcomer to an online dating site and some sites have hundreds of sign ups each day. There are many possible matches out there just waiting to be found.
You want to log in regularly and search the database to see what types of matches there are for you. Some sites will automatically email those to you, but some have you do it manually.
If you’re a woman from a generation where men did all the asking, keep in mind that online dating is a two-way street. You should be active in contacting your possible romantic interests – don’t sit back and wait for them to introduce themselves to you. In the world of online dating this is ok and acceptable behavior so initiate contacts with interesting people.
Some people find someone they’re attracted to. They see that they’re online and immediately start flirting with the person in a way that scares them off within minutes.
Most people want to get to know you a little bit before engaging in overt flirty conversation or sexual discussions. Ease into it if that’s what you’re there for – and make it clear on your profile, too – so that some unsuspecting innocent member doesn’t stumble onto you and get shocked with something they weren’t prepared for.
Even if you didn’t list “friendships” as one of your desires on your profile, it’s okay to reach out and befriend someone who you feel may not make a good romantic partner, but could be a great friend.
In fact, you might be somewhat similar, but not enough for a perfect match – and you could help each other find the people who would be a good match for each other.
It’s a little different when you have a friend from an online dating site helping you find potential matches because they know what you’re going through. Unlike well-meaning family members who are clueless about setting you up with someone they would like to see you with. Having an online buddy like this can be helpful to the online dating experience.
If you’re anxious to start connecting with people, you’ll be happy to know that most online dating sites have special notification systems that indicate who’s logged into the site at that time.
Most also have a “hide me” or “invisible” type of feature that lets you browse through the site unnoticed. But making yourself available on the site can be a wonderful thing, if you’re prepared for it.
You might get invited to a chat. Or someone might send you an email or message right there to see if you react positively. Remember, they’re often nervous too – and they don’t want to send a message and wait days or weeks to get a reply.
I don’t care if you think you’ve found “the one” on your first day on the site. Make sure you don’t limit yourself and find more than one or two acceptable matches for your profile.
You want to put your membership (even if it is free initially) to good use, maximizing it to the best of your abilities. Continue using your online dating site until a perfect match is made and the two of you decide to become exclusive in your relationship and stop dating other people.
Chat is one of the best features your dating site can offer. If you’re in the mood to interact with others, make sure your profile states that you’re currently available so that people can invite you to hang out online.
This is great for those of you who are shy or intimidated about getting to know people in this setting because it doesn’t have to be one-on-one. It can be a group setting.
Or, if it is one-on-one, it will be easy for you to leave the conversation without it being embarrassing like it would be if you had to excuse yourself from an in-person date.
Go and seek out someone for friendship on one of the sites you have selected first.
Contact them and just let them know it’s not a romantic connection, but you’re interested in getting to know more members.
Next, browse the profiles and find at least 3 possible members who you would like to make a connection with to see if there’s anything worth pursuing.
Online Dating Tutorial Lesson Five
The next post is about taking an online match and turning it into an offline date!
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